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Petreece Cuffie

Founding Partner - Counselling and Interpersonal Services

Encouragement tips for couples – #2


So….. Four nights ago my husband looked at me and said “22 more days”. With a little thought I said “Our wedding! So are you going to marry me!!?” He came a little closer, smiled and said that he couldn’t think of doing anything else.

An idea came to mind to share, twice a week, some of things that have help us to have a healthy marriage for the past 19 years and 347 days today.
As I reflect on these years I realize that a happy marriage is not about having everything you think you need, always feeling passion, always getting it right and agreeing on most things. It’s about:
Tip #2: -Prioritizing your marriage and making your relationship with your spouse the most important relationship after your relationship with God.
This may be a little harder for men than it is for women because women are more relationship oriented and men are more oriented towards work. However, both persons have to make the conscious decision to put their relationship with spouse above every other relationship with the understanding that once this is done the relationship with children will be ok, ministry will fall in its rightful place etc.
Practical ways we have done this:
• Create rituals. My husband tucks me into bed every night, give me a kiss and tell me he loves me. Once we leave each other’s company and return into each other’s company we greet with a kiss. This and many other simple ways of staying connected have become habits and rituals in our marriage. It is not based on how we feel.
• We really listened and did what the other person said make him/her feel special, loved and respected and stopped doing the things that really tick the other person off. (Conscious effort and WORK people in the beginning, but it’s worth it.) Remember that you don’t naturally know how to love your spouse. He/she has to tell you. Please Listen!!!!!!

• Check-in before we make decisions even small ones. I let people know that I have to discuss things with my husband and I will get back to them.
• Standing up for each other where necessary and protecting each other from persons viewing either of us in a negative way. (You could know what’s wrong with him/her; other people don’t have to know.) Speak about areas where you need help and support with persons who are wise, will not condemn your spouse, are confidential and have the best interest of you & your marriage.
• When we are not together we speak positively or praise each other in his/her absence. My husband does a lot of training and there are people who will tell me that they heard so many wonderful things about me in a workshop.
• We ensure that we make time for quality time together. Sometimes we didn’t have money for anything fancy so we walked, sat on a bench and talked and laughed…..bought a bag of pholourie and shared it, bought ice cream,…when we got a car we would go for a drive…lol
• We make each other’s need for love and respect a priority. We didn’t speak to others nicely, complimenting others, doing favours for others without a fuss and then we are not doing the same for each other.
• We support each other in areas that may not necessarily be a passion for us. Now, there is not a sport I can’t talk about because my husband loves sports. He has really supported me in so many things.

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